5,4,3,2,1... Write

5,4,3,2,1… write. Just go. Put your fingers on the keyboard and tap tap tap… do not hesitate, do not create excuses, do not avoid by way of another trip to the refrigerator, just sit your bum in the chair and release what’s on the mind, from the brain to the fingers to the laptop to the screen. Don’t let the excuses of writers block stifle self-expression. Hang on, what's writers block?  Am I afflicted? 

Truth is I do love to write, but I think I’m afraid… of becoming attached.  Of creating self-prescribed pressure fueled by an expectation, that writing is the endgame.  That being a content creator is the bridge to some promise land. I loathe the idea that by publicly putting out a few “pieces” I now NEED to continue some form, any form, of prose, indefinitely.  I also find it degrading that Soul Degree (this recently launched men’s adventure retreat) will only ever be as good as the social proof demonstrated through a blogging prowess or frequency. Does it really need to be a quid pro quo? 

But for real, I will write – as a promise to myself - at a frequency that feels good. And I will attempt to share my thoughts to you, as a means of triggering a conversation. But I don’t profess to be the answer-man. Nor do I relate to my writings as higher education or a new found philosophy.  I’m just a normal guy with a desire to help. I'm also human, plagued by forgetting to let the things that bring me joy bubble up to the priority surface.

Credits:  Yes, the countdown from 5 to 1 is a meta-cognition trick taught to me by my awesome wife Mel Robbins.  She's got a fascinating bag of tricks designed to get you off your ass.

Cheers,

Chris

Jumping Beans

Your FEELINGS are THE SIGN you’ve been looking for. 

This quote took me off guard today. It is subject to very broad interpretation making the enormity of it almost scary.  But more alarming were my feelings - which at the time were of worry and concern for my son Oakley.  

He is 11. Charming, intelligent, thoughtful and emotionally strong. And at the same time, he’s battling a couple of real learning disabilities including dysgraphia, dyslexia, and ADD. This struggle reared itself around 3rd and 4th grade and we were fortunate to quickly find him a school that caters exclusively to this learning style. He is in his 2nd year, has a handful of good pals, enjoys the teachers, and all-in-all is happy.  But recently, due to some struggles in math, he ran full tilt into a wall of self-doubt. He woke up one day having convinced himself that he’s not “smart” like his peers. He went so far as to internalize it as reason to give up. “Why bother studying, it’s not worth it…” Of course my own fear of the situation went to thinking that this isolated incident could seep into and erode his overall self-confidence.  Incredible how adept our minds are at creating horrible outcomes.  

The “solver” in me just wanted to have it all figured out – where did his learning disability come from, how do I roll with it, how much compassion and how much grit do I bring to it, etc.  And how do I embrace the crisis homework moments – and chalk them up as my means to understanding the inner workings of a youngster who is often paralyzed by it all. 

The “believer” in me said, “Oh, it’ll all be fine, it’s just a life phase, and everything will turn out…” Not that I’m ignoring the severity, but rather trying not to fret, not letting my mind fall into a negative spiral.  I am fortunate that Oakley is so verbally capable of communicating what’s going on for him and for that I’m at a slight advantage. 

The “meditator” in me feels, well… writing about it all.  Ironically – here I am having reached my mid-years, easing into my own phase of chasing down enlightenment and working tirelessly on finding my own unmapped level of calm.  I guess you could say I’ve reached a different mellow. But how is this possible as I look at my son who has the evolving disposition of a Mexican jumping bean and can’t sit still – I thought we shared the same gene pool?   

Guess there’s no time better than the present than to teach your child how to meditate. 

Cheers, Chris

It Takes a Lifetime...

“It takes six million grains of pollen to seed one peony, and salmon need a lifetime of swimming to find their way home, so we mustn’t be alarmed or discouraged when it takes us years to find love or years to understand our calling in life.”

I’m 46 years old. This means I’ve had ~25 years to be a working professional. During this time, I have worked in a variety of sales and marketing roles for 8 different corporations – private, public, domestic, international. I’ve also started 8 different companies some successful, but most failures. My industry experience has also run the gamut from commodity trading, hospitality, consulting, software, ebusiness, retail, wholesale, media/entertainment, digital publishing and mobile apps.

My dad held one sales job out of college before quickly going into the Advertising business. He spent the next 35 years of his career going from junior grunt to the Chief Executive Officer running the 9th largest agency in the world. 

Suffice to say, my only frame of reference for success (for a very long time) was my dad. By all apparent professional standards, he killed it. On top of this, he was a cool dude, so I set out to be like him – or at the very least build a financial legacy like the one he left behind. This is how I thought success should look.

Looking back on it, I realize my career path was a minefield for disappointment and was subsequently fraught with fear and anxiety. How could it not, I was naively pursuing his measure of success. He didn’t stoke this fire. I did. It’s no wonder I hopped from job to job, convincing myself the next offer would hold more promise, offer more upside, and secure more credibility. And then I got my MBA - because surely that would be the ticket. And from there, what else…. start not one but six different companies. 

Over these years, I earned plenty of money, but I had not achieved success and I was the farthest thing from happy or satisfied. By the ripe old age of 43, I had achieved only two things comparable to my dad: a propensity to consume voluminous amounts of booze and an undeniable mid-life crisis. 

The pendulum has swung immeasurably since then and I am in a far better mind-space, but that’s not the point of this story. The relevance is about our own respective ‘journey’ and where we sit on the continuum.

It seems our tendency is to shape and steer our lives – to cause, even force, a desired outcome. Ironically, this often leads to frustration and disappointment. Truth is, we are no different than the peony or the salmon. The only distinction is our waning perspective on how life is designed to unfold, our awareness of personal thought patterns, and our gratitude for the power of experiential learning.   

Cheers, Chris

Time to Blossom

“The flower doesn’t dream of the bee. It blossoms and the bee comes.” 

So is the summary of this quote, stop thinking and start doing? But what about the Law of Attraction – doesn’t this concept endorse the idea of ‘dreaming?’

Fact is, the Law of Attraction, like many o' concept, isn’t a foolproof phenomenon.  But what's the downside of visualizing a future we desire. It’s certainly more entertaining than anticipating doom and gloom or looking through a half empty glass. 

Perhaps this metaphor is simply speaking to the power of just being you? Blossoming in your own skin. Being present to the acute moments of your life and how its unfolding. Without a doubt we’re all on a continuum, all at various stages in our thinking and growth, all holding aspirations and realizations that evoke different shades of emotion. 

Sometimes I do wonder for myself - where will things open up (more so than they have already). Better yet, if I could cause the opening, where would I want to push the envelope? In the case of Soul Degree (this recently launched personal development program), I truly believe that if we build it, they will come. Yet there is still fear and some hesitation. Perhaps because I feel there is still work to be done in my own shed before inviting others into it. Ironically, that’s what it’s all about.  

Time to unleash these fears, push aside the hesitation, turn on the creativity and put myself out there. Fear-less. Venture-more. 

I guess for me this blossoming means that Soul Degree will come alive (and will make a profound impact), that I will embrace becoming a yoga teacher, I will hone my own art of being a dad, I will up my pursuit of increasing heart rates while practicing meditation daily, I will be writing more freely (for me), eating better, drinking less, chasing more pow-pow, lowering my handicap(s), consuming more books, being a community player and strengthening friendships near and far.  

Cheers, Chris

To Be Present or Aware?

I’m sitting here on my couch. It’s 6:15 am on a weekend morning.  The place is dead quiet, the whole house still asleep.  Steam plumes out of my cup of tea, which leans awkwardly on a not-so-flush log that serves as a side table. The crickets make music outside while the sun rises up beyond the tree line making sky purples turn pink.  I feel acute pain in my right foot and a dull ache in my right hip. These are shitty reminders that my Ironman-training body is not Ironman-ready.  All of this interlaced with long deep breaths. 

The colorful collage of family photo’s hanging on the refrigerator catches my eye.  I suddenly feel gratitude - for what I’ve got, what I have experienced.  Oakley’s backpack, books and shoes dot the floor, a sprawl that surprisingly triggers a sense of joy (of having a son) rather than disgust (at the mess).  

Okay, so I was aware.  Or was I present. Is there a distinction to be made?  Does one look inward while another outward?

My assessment of what happened?  The hands on the clock moved, but time stood still.  As if my mind had the power of slowing down time, harnessing tranquility, and creating a deeper, more profound stillness.  

Time to try that again.    

Cheers, Chris

Kids: A Measure Of Time

Often my kids appear in front of me, not as little human beings, but rather as a three-pack of fluorescent blinking glow sticks that light up the passage of time. 

Notable childhood “moments” almost invariably include your child’s first step, their first tooth, or when they move out of their crib and into a real bed.  Then there is the experience of learning balance while first riding a bike.  And of course birthday celebrations, no matter how many candles are burning.   

For whatever reason, the sensation of a time warp doesn’t always rear its ugly head when you’re the one in front of the cake.   Sure there is lead up and fanfare and parties even gifts – all of which are predictable in that we anticipate that celebratory day.  And yes, with birthdays comes the reminder of age - our standard measuring stick for time.

But for me, none of these life moments are as jaw-dropping, even heart wrenching, as the first day of school. I’m always taken by that shiny lunch box or stylish pair of new ‘kicks coupled with a big smile for that front porch picture.

It is this wrinkle in time that reminds me how fast it’s all rolling.  Maybe for me the beginning of school hangs on the innocence of a yellow school bus. I'm enamored by the hand-operated double doors, the chitter-chatter of little people, and the over/under of whether they will take the time to wave goodbye.  Regardless of whether my own kiddo’s are on-boarding or I’m sitting behind a random bus, it moves me.

Suddenly, with the click of just 17 front porch, first-day pictures, the innocuous visual of a school bus and its naïve cargo goes poof and I am left standing there speechless, camera in hand, wishing a bus were on it’s way while thinking holy shit, how did 17 years just go by…. “Hey Dad, I’m late for school, where can I find the car keys…” 

Cheers, Chris

Put Your Weapons Down

I’m not talking about your 12 gauge shotgun, AK47, or 9MM. I’m talking about your phone. It is reported that the number of active cell phones will reach 7.3 billion by 2014, all of which are being carried unconcealed, in the palm of our hands.  We need not look any further than the bent necks and tapping fingers of our youth to realize these devices may be the deadliest weapons of our time.

No they are not drawing blood or killing anyone. And many would argue there is technological brilliance behind this invention. Hell, they are keeping us “connected.” But they are also highly effective at destroying our ability to be present. 

The incoming call, email, text, alert, notification, reminder, etc. has the power to go off like handheld grenade – blowing up your train of thought, your concentration, your listening, your awareness, or simply your precious time.   

I’m guilty of playing roulette with the phone. It warps my thinking and often my daily schedule, especially when kids and spouses and workmates are scattered about the country and relying on my availability. 

But I’m also launching a silent advocacy group – encouraging us humans to Put Your Weapon Down.  If for no other reason than to re-capture the present moment.  

Cheers, Chris

The Pose is Meaningless without the breath

Meaning for me that everything from the grandiose dreams we pursue to the simple acts we take are only as relevant as the life we breathe into them.  The breath, particularly when woven into meditation, can have a powerful grounding effect, calming the thoughts, relaxing the body, opening doors into the unknown, and giving us the courage to walk through those thresholds.  Ironically the pursuit of deep breathing is not necessarily encouraged as a way to find meaning, but to experience stillness and peace. 

Often while trying to breathe my way through meditation, I get caught up at the doorway, unable to pass through because of the thoughts or memories or laundry list of to-do’s that jam me up. Supposedly the trick is to simply observe those thoughts – be present to their existence like I’m tying to do with all the shit on my desk and the fact that I just realized I have an 8 am breakfast meeting that I had forgotten about. 

Truth is I believe I might have slipped into a much deeper state of depression had I not quit drinking and aggressively taken up meditation, yoga and focusing on my family first (not work). 

Does this mean I should be grateful for the life-altering experiences that led me to the bottle?  It’s not really the external that causes us to take certain actions right? Ultimately we are the ones pulling the levers whether it's based on feeling or intuition or spontaneity. 

We are 100% responsible for our own actions – each and every one – to own that is frightening, especially if you want to dwell on yesterday. What’s far more empowering is acknowledging our strength as relates to decisions we will make today or tomorrow. This way we can own our actions, the comments we make, the love we deliver.  By being present going in, we can not only experience our choices in a new light, but we can own and accept them after they are all said and done. 

To accomplish this, being present is essential. And access to this time called now starts with a deep breath.   

Cheers, Chris

My Peyote Trip...

Flying down the tracks, Boston to NYC - heading to high school reunion. Came across some notes from Carlos Casteneda’s Journey to Xtlan.  These were my take aways, grasped concepts, captured thoughts (Summarized for the benefit of me and my mom.  Both of us read this book after the passing of my father who held it (and it's messages) up as a game-changer for him and his life):

1.     Lose your personal history – shed it from your being. What are the risks or challenges of trying to do this in an everyday world? Is the dialogue shift from “I have been…”  to now “I am…” or from “what I have done…” to “I am NY, London, Vermont, owner, starter/builder, father, teacher, ….

2.    Look for the signs.  What are they for you?  For me I see Frank’s death, now Greg’s, my daughters' mindset, Kendall's music, Oakley's speaking, Launch Money, Yoga, Boyd, Nick, Soul Degree, my wife, Darrin, Mandy, and so many more.

3.     Remodel your behavior to learn. Open up time to do what is meaningful, to read, write, be contemplative while being more efficient in utilizing hours in the day.     

4.    Don’t take yourself so seriously.  Relax, release, put ease into the struggle.  Self-importance does not add value or advantage.  Besides, you can’t appreciate the world around you if you’re focused on yourself. 

5.    Death is an advisor. Through the words of a memorial, through learning about legacy or the soul of a man, through sadness, grieving, tears?  Through forcing stark reflection on the fragility of life? 

6.    Go all the way (on something). Without any doubts, just experience what it means to fully trusting.  Accept that going all the way is worth the pursuit, that it won’t disappoint, that the ups/downs will be miracles at the least, and life altering at best. 

7.     Assume responsibility for being in this world.  Accept what has been so, but don’t dwell, rather live into what can be. 

8.    Accept that we don’t know what our best is yet.  And might never know it.  For this reason, don’t fear failure, there’s no such thing.

9.    We think we do (but we don’t) have plenty of time. The concept of time and clocks are a truth I wish was never created.

10. Don’t just agree.  Create your own personal revolution and take relevant actions. 

11.  Act as though this were your last Act. 

12. Make yourself accessible to power.  The forces that guide us, bring us together, to this situation, now in front of us.

Cheers, Chris